shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
