sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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