1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
