Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
