I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
