I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
