He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
