I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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