my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
