my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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