Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize