Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
