does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
