I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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