onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
