I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
