I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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