I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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