at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
there's paper in my vomit.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
