I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
