I wannas sexs uuuuu
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
