Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
