Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
