I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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