Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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