the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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