If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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