You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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