he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
