it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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