Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
