you will always have a special place in my vag
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
