for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize