I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
