oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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