we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
