I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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