sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
