just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
