FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
