Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
