Define "chronic" masturbator.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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