i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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