his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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