My nipple is on Facebook.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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