went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
