I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
