Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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