FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
