Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
