I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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