There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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