My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
