I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
