I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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