why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
