Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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