He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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