so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
