She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
