last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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