so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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