I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize