thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
