Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
