Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
