This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
