he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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