I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Panties = found
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
