wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Welp...herpes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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